The harms of excessive gambling and gambling problems are unfortunately not limited to the gambler. As a partner, family member or friend, you can be affected in a number of ways. First of all, just watching a loved one struggle or suffer can be distressing enough, however having a relationship with someone with addiction problems can also cause you to get tangled up in ways that may affect your own wellbeing, your mental health and even your finances.
It is natural to want to help the people you care about, and there are ways by which you can do so. However, it is a good idea to first make sure you get properly informed and take some precautions to protect yourself as well.
Get informed
As a first step you may wish to look at this list of symptoms of problem gambling to better understand the signs and issues of gambling disorder.
For people struggling with gambling problems, there are a number of professional as well as peer support help options available. It may be helpful to get informed about the options available in your local area like Gambling Therapy, Gamblers Anonymous and BeGambleaware to be able to offer practical advice and make it easier for your loved one to take that important step of reaching out for help.
Having a conversation about your concern
We understand that reaching out to a loved one with your concern about their problem is not easy. Even with the best intentions and proper preparation, there is no guarantee you will get a positive response or the outcome that you are hoping for.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind:
- Make sure your good intentions come through by keeping a caring tone
- Keep the conversation open and listen rather than taking a confrontative approach
- Make them feel safe by keeping a non-judgemental approach where you avoid shaming and blaming.
- Offer hope and helpful tangible advice
- Offer your assistance and support but be clear about your own boundaries
Please note that this list is not exhaustive, so do consider checking out more information on the sites at the bottom of the page to make sure you are prepared before initiating the conversation.
In order to manage your own expectations, remember that the response to the conversation is depending on so much more than what you say or do, so don’t see it as a setback if your loved one reacts negatively. It is difficult to make someone see things they are not ready to admit, and you can never force anyone to change. By making it clear that you care and are there for them when they are ready, you have still made an important point that might help them in the long-run even if the immediate reaction isn’t what you had hoped for.
Remember to protect yourself
Just like the instructions for air safety to put on your own mask before helping your fellow passengers, it is important to make sure you are safe before attempting to help anyone else. The role of an affected other to someone with a gambling addiction can be difficult to bear on your own and you might want to consider reaching out to a specialised organisation, a peer support group or even seek the help of a professional.
Remember that you have the right to feel safe, and emotionally and financially secure.
If you are sharing finances with a problem gambler there is some practical advice to keep in mind: Don’t lend money to the gambler or bail them out.
- Remove your name from any joint accounts.
- Separate and protect your own accounts, income and assets.
- Consider restructuring to separate any joint loans or credit.
- Take control of all the household bills to make sure nothing is missed.
- Don’t sign anything you don’t understand or are not prepared to pay for.
- Take precaution to protect information about your financial details, credit cards, PIN numbers etc.
Most importantly, don’t delay in seeking professional advice, such as from a financial expert or a debt counsellor, to see how to best protect your own and your family’s assets.
Where to find help?
Information and help articles.
Help for family and friends.
How to help a relative.